It’s exhausting, Pretending to be Someone you’re not.
Trying to keep up appearances with people who you deep down you know you have nothing in common with.
On the outside, you are the life and soul of the party but on the inside you feel as fragile as glass.
You’re barely holding things together and clinging on to everything that keeps your identity safe.
I know this feeling all to well.
For years I wore a mask. I pretended to be someone I wasn’t and played far less than what I was capable of.
I spent all of my time with the wrong people and hung around in the wrong circles.
I didn’t know who I was or what I was capable of and instead of ever trying to find that out, I decided it would be easier to fit in.
I kept my appearances high, I bought shit I didn’t need to impress people I didn’t care about and I made sure to never let anyone know what I was dealing with beneath the surface.
It was exhausting.
I can still remember leaving the pub after a night out when I could eventually let go of my fake smile.
The muscles in my face screamed with pain from holding that fake image and the voice in my head started calling me a liar.
Who are you?
That’s what I constantly asked myself.
Deep down I knew this wasn’t me. There was more to Paul Kilroy but I was terrified of finding out.
I couldn’t handle the inner conflict anymore. I had to find out if there was more to life, and myself.
I drew a line in the sand and decided, today is the day I will change my life.
What a journey that day started for me.
I gave up alcohol for 4 years after that day and I quickly started to find out how much more there was to life.
My circles changed, my attitude changed and my life began to expand.
I found out who I was and what I was capable of and most importantly I found my life mission which makes me feel fulfilled everyday.
It was hard to change in the beginning, all the judgement from my old mates, all the uncomfortable things I put myself forward for but it was worth every minute.
Everything can be changed in an instant, it just takes one decision.
Today is the day I will change my life.
Is today your day?
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